MOVE INTO A HIGHER PERCEPTON FOR A NEW VISION

 

There is always more to learn on the path of spirituality and personal growth. I will never graduate as the levels of vibration and frequencies of awareness continue upward. I needed to obtain a divorce to be safe. Nevertheless, I realized I needed to acknowledge my part; I wanted to move into a better place beyond the past harms. For that reason, I discovered that forgiveness and making amends frees me to do this. This allows me to move into a higher perception.

 This was not easy for me at first; I have to forgive all those harms from the past. Realizing, inner peace is only complete by forgiveness for others and myself brought a new understanding. My ego wanted to prove I had the right to be distressed. It told me that my husband could not be forgiven when I was harmed by his actions and abuse. Conversely, I read that it is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong with us.

 This means I have to look at myself and get honest about my motivations and actions. It is necessary to look at my side of the street in all my dealings. I have to see where my own behavior has affected someone else. The picture is not pretty when I get honest. I even won an international writing contest with my article, "All Time Victim". It is available on my web site or on Amazon.  Recognizing that I was in survival and self-seeking as a victim was an abrupt awakening. It was not easy to accept. Yes, I was the injured party but I played the part very well.

  I used people for my security, protection, to love me, and take care of me. It became time to grow up. I was dishonest with myself, thinking other people were there to make me okay, provide my needs, and love me. I was so afraid in my wounded place that all I could see was poor me, poor me. I recognized that I was keeping myself that victim by not acting in my own best interest.

 Becoming assertive instead of passive was the key to changing my thinking from being the prey. It was a huge step out of my being the injured party. Taking the steps to become courageous to speak up for my needs had never been in the cards for me. When I was a child, I was to be seen and not heard. In fact, my stepfather told me, “We do not want to hear what you have to say.”

 My journey sorting out the truth from the false is continuing. This is a long process with lots of challenges and lessons in its path to not mentally and emotionally continue recreating my learned mindset and reactions from childhood. In my book, "Paradigm Busters", at Amazon, I explain all the steps to release the past for a new life. The work is worth the effort. As I was in the early stages of this change, I found grace in my meditation while camping at a national park. It felt good. I wanted more of that.

 I was living in a fantasy that everyone and everything should go my way. I learned to forgive myself as I did survive the abuse, trauma, and difficulties. Now it is time to move into maturity. I vowed never to volunteer to be a victim again. Neale Donald Walsch said, "Move forward with no second-guessing, no guilt trips, no hesitation. Your purpose is to recreate yourself anew in each moment." I needed to give up the past by releasing it for the good feelings.

 Realizing that I was being influenced from my past harms that continued in the old ways of reacting, was a challenge. The choice to live in current situations and not run from them was a huge step into growing up. The help I needed was to turn to the Father of Light in all things.

It would take courage to respond to daily life experiences with new and healthy tools. One way to help me was by saying, "God I need more faith for this one, here we go again". Then I found an affirmation that I daily declare to help. It is "God there is nothing that you and I together, cannot do, today." Asking for help made a lot of difference. It brought the audacity I lacked. Nowadays, I move forward in life, learning to do the next right thing in front of me. It keeps my focus on the "Now" which is reality. Doing the right thing is never wrong.

 Recognizing that living in the moment is a gift and that is why it is called The Present brought a new vision for moving forward in my life out of being a victim from my past. This clears the slate to be autonomous. “The New Me” is one of my early poems in my first book, "Roses Have Thorns".

 

               Vision—A “New” Me

 Total acceptance of myself means the opportunity

for reality. Unconditional love grants

my own gentleness, caring. Courtesy lifts

my dignity, sees value. Tolerance

understands favorably my mistakes,

errors. Self-esteem believes in confidence,

guides my life. Sharing my experiences, feelings

creates life’s happiness. Many interests

bring a fulfilling life, helping others

through their strife. Spirituality generates

peace of mind, worth, knows

the purpose for my birth.

 My books are being distributed internationally to prisons and used as a booked study in San Quentin. I was just included in the current, prodigious book, "Who's Who in America. This concept is explained further in her books, You Tubes, readings, and counseling. Marilyn Redmond is an ordained minister for spiritual counseling, readings, regression, IBRT, and healing, ABH. In addition, she is a teacher, speaker, and medium offering information from the other side for illness, relationships, and issues in your life. Marilyn can help you find health, happiness, and prosperity.

 Check out her website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

 Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 176 videos on You Tube at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./

 

Transforming to Victory

 By Marilyn Redmond 

My path to a better life brings new ideas and understandings for growing. Acknowledging that my life was desperate brought a new vision. Through many perils, I learned that self-honesty is the best policy. I thought I was a great manager, keeping me safe from harm. The truth is that I was the walking dead, terrified, and looked anorexic. I had to come out of my denial and fantasy.

 

My castle in the sky saw myself as a wonderful person, who was there for everyone. I took care of my family, taught school, went to church, and I worked in the family printing business on my off hours from teaching. My real dreams were left in the dust. The toughest part for me was to acknowledge that I have to change my mindset and behaviors of reacting from being a fear based person into responding in loving solutions. Realizing my life was actually based in fear was life changing.

 

As I began my new journey into honesty, I discovered that I was a control freak. It is not my job to figure out the outcome. My motivation was not from love but survival and need. I moved from functioning in the problem to focusing on the solution.

 

Learning that walking in faith brings better results was a new idea for me. In addition, it was not my job to manage my life; allowing intuition to guide my next right indicated situation works well. I can I release my negative emotions, thinking, and responses, and replace them with my new healthy ways of accepting conditions without judgments and criticisms; then I feel better. Today, I do the necessary footwork for my part while leaving the results to the universe. Amazingly, I found the outcome is better than I could have arranged.

 

It has taken several years to identify and release my old thinking, emotions, and reactions into trust, healthy communications, and good feelings. The inner work has been worth it. After my divorce and on my own, I could focus on me to create a new foundation for life. My book, Paradigm Busters, Reveal the Real You on Amazon, has the steps I took.

 

Continuing on my path of fresh beginnings, I found I needed to make amends to those I had harmed. It was not my nature to harm a person. However, I needed to make a few amends and restitution to resolve my old actions and relationships. 

 

Moreover, I found my negative emotions did damage others. I could not love my family if I were full of fear. Fear stops love. I was not that wonderful person because my optimistic emotions were blocked by past harms and terror. When I cleared my side of the street, the world turned in a novel direction.

 

In meditation, I was told to treat myself like a princess, because I was the daughter of the King of Kings. I made a vow to myself not to place myself in harmful situations, again. I cleaned out my old emotions to clear my channel for extending real loving thoughts. In this inner work, my feelings can move from my heart to others. I live my amends from a bright place. Living my amends means that I send healthy energy and treat others well.

 

I had always felt like a victim in my abusive marriage. It took eighteen years after my divorce to feel my part in some of our clashes in my domestic violent relationship. Surprisingly, I unwittingly participated; I was not the victim and he the bad person. In a realization, I found that I unintentional was defending myself from my past harms. To him it felt like I was as attacking him akin to shooting him with a gun, but at a subconscious level. Inadvertently, I was invisibly attacking him. Others saw his observable reactions of defending himself as his attacking me. I got honest and realized I was the cause of many conflicts. Sadly, this passive-aggressive game intensified over years.  

 

Owning my side of the difficulties brought the understanding that I was as much at fault. I could no longer make him out to be the awful person. This was a huge admission. We were emotionally two little children trying to make it in an adult world, but hurting each other in the process. Finally, I wrote him a letter of apology for my side of our troubles.

 

I continuously prayed for his well being and forgiveness. This served me well when, several years later, I was invited to our twin grandsons’ high school graduation. For the 48 hours of celebrations and the ceremony, I was able to be around my ex-husband and not play the victim. I stayed in my adult consciousness. I did not play the old game. This was an enormous victory for me. I had matured. He had been my teacher to find the real me.

 

I had not seen him after our divorce, except for our grandchildren's’ graduation. When I was notified of his death, it upset and touched me more than I would have guessed. My grief blind sighted me. Finally, I understood the damaging childhood that he had to play this part in my life. Today, I am glad that I had the courage to own up to my part of our difficulties. I needed to become forgiving, be in gratitude, find compassion, and have unconditional love for him. In grieving, the past was left behind.

 

Surprisingly, I have grown beyond reacting from my past harms. In my prayers and meditations, I have thanked him. His part in my life brought me into adulthood. I now have empathy and a clean heart. Finally, I have peace and serenity. I am pleased to have a healthy life style today. My weakness became my strength; I am empowered. I learned this was my path for adulthood. My reward is that I am liberated to live in the “Now”.

 

 

Website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./

Lectures, interviews, and spiritual information on You Tube at https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=marilyn+redmond&page=1

 

Amends Bring Accord

                                           

My vocabulary has grown since I began my spiritual journey.  The longer I am on this path, new words occur for my growing vocabulary. Over the years I find a new understanding of words.  Their deeper meaning provides a way of life that was new to me, 32 years ago. Amends was a new word to me. I was trying so hard to be perfect; I did not understand the significance and wisdom behind this action.

My first amends was to my mother right out of treatment. I told my counselor the story and he said I was not responsible for her feelings. I had always gone around saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry I am alive." This was to calm the waters around me and I became the sacrificial lamb in the family. I found out I did not need to make amends to her for this particular situation. I then found out it is a good idea to check this idea of amends with my counselor to see if it is appropriate.

Then, I made an amends to a fellow worker for talking a chart off her desk, as I as too lazy to make my own. At the time she discovered what I had done, she was furious. However, she was most pleasant about it when I made my amends. She told me that it takes a big person to apologize. I was only trying to get rid of my anxiety and guilt because I worked with her every day. I did not see my action as anything more than wanting to find my inner peace and serenity.

I made an amends to my daughter for leaving her and her brother alone in a motel at Disneyland while her dad and I went drinking. This had been tearing me apart for years, emotionally. Surprisingly, I found out she was not upset at her abandonment without a dinner. She understood, she told me. She knew what would happen if I had not gone with him. She was upset about an entirely different incident, of which I never knew was a problem to her.

I heard in a meeting about forgiving yourself. That was not something I had heard about before. I thought about this, over time. Now, I understand that forgiveness is about leaving the past in the past, so I can live in the day, one day at a time. Amends change my energy into harmony when I let it go. Most people have accepted my amends graciously.

As I have forgiven myself, I do not have to beat myself up for not being perfect. Now, I understand where and when I need to make right with another person for my actions that harm them. It may be restitution, reimbursement, or acknowledging I was wrong.

Recently, I was very tired from overdoing when walking and climbing stars that day on a tour, because of my arthritis. In a conversation with my fellow that evening about dinner plans for the next evening, I got angry. I vented well because it could have been a short talk and he kept making it more complicated. I let him get the blunt of my tiredness from being exhausted and in pain. In a few minutes after hanging up on him, I called back and told him that I realized how dog-tired I was and that I was sorry I had had gotten so angry from overdoing it on the excursion. Today, I recognize it sooner, take responsibility for it faster, and move on.

This changes my energy into harmony and releases it into the past. I do not have to carry that with me anymore. I can be free of that weight and be liberated to enjoy my life. Amends allows me to give up the wrongs and enjoy the presence of God today.