KEEP IT SIMPLE!
By Rev. Marilyn L. Redmond
My life has become an adventure instead of an escape from trauma, abuse, and difficulties. Without a helpful basis and guidance for healthy experiences, I was left to my own devises from the beginning. My beginnings were abusive, cruel, and violent. I had no one to turn to for help. My parents were mentally ill and in domestic violence. They were emotionally not available, with no communication or trust. I grew up without feelings or answers.
I wanted to feel good and have friends. I became an avid reader looking for answers. My only source of connection was to my cat. That changed when my mother remarried and my step-dad refused me finding a neighbor to feed my cat while we were on a trip. It was a big loss. My life actually became worse when my mother remarried. My dream of a happy family did not happen. I was the walking dead throughout my life.
Even thought I had many successes I did not acknowledge them nor did my parents. I was never validated for all the chores at home or achievements in school as Valedictorian in high school, and playing a solo with the Bellingham Symphony before I graduated from college. My mother wanted me to be a teacher and I dutifully complied but there was never a comment about my teaching for many years.
I even thought being married with children would bring a happy life that I was missing. However, my marriage was a replica of my older half sister and my mother's two marriages. I was again in domestic violence, abuse, and mental illness. At the age of three, I had emotionally shut down from witnessing my father beat my mother, and I was replaying this unknowingly.
Finally, I had to go for help. The minister thought I should not get a divorce even though my husband was trying to kill me and the psychiatrist's prescriptions addicted me to the medications. I ended up in treatment for addiction. This became the blessing I needed to find real answers to my problems.
The program in treatment was a spiritual path to replace the prescriptions, alcohol, and co-dependency. They were addictions I found out. I had a chronic, progressive disease that leads to death or insanity without intervention. The doctor at the treatment center declared I was dying and to use a toxic substance was to die. He said one pill and one drink is six times the effect.
In 40- years of recovery without a drink or pill again, my mind and heart began to function and I could find reality. Gradually, my emotions began to function and I learned I was trying to protect myself from more harm that led to me to being a control freak. Trying to protect myself was actually working against me. This felt like an attack to the other person and they attacked back.
Needing to forgive them and release them so I could live in the NOW was a new idea. I had been reacting to my past and not living in the moment, which is the present and reality. No longer needing to drink to feel good and new ideas, I continued to learn information to move me into healthy thinking and healthy behaviors rather than reacting from fear.
I release my fears, resentments, guilt, shame, and judgment to move out of my past demoralizing history. I replace the space with love and grace as I release each one that I identified. I daily pray and meditate for the love of the universe to direct my daily activities each morning. I was no longer in control from fear, but going about my activities from love. I moved from being a fear-based person into a love-based person. I watched funny old TV sitcoms to practice expressing feelings. Little by little, my life did improve and I began to feel happy and could finally laugh out loud.
This growing beyond acting from being an emotional three year old into adulthood has taken many changes in my philosophy and actions. No longer do I see myself as a frightened child afraid to speak up and express myself. Today I have value and am worthy. The biggest astonishment is learning to trust the universe for all my needs. I am no longer needy. Instead of being perfect, I can be myself.
At the age of 86 years old, I have become a human being and a mature person. I come from my heart and not my head for resolution to the life lessons facing me. Listening to my inner voice, intuition, gives me the guidance I was missing in my growing up. Thinking for myself instead of recreating my parents history passed on to me, has given me a completely new life. What goes around comes around, and love is coming around daily, today.
. I have the choice to say, "NO" and leave when necessary. Success is all about choice and safety, to be myself in my life. Today I do not put myself in harmful places or make decisions that are not in my best interest. I can choose to live in the love that created me in its image. Compassion for those who are still wounded in their life path brings good feelings. That I fashioned a caring life with loving people around me, I am now truly safe. It is my choice to project my newfound love to others, as it comes back in wonderful ways.
My eleven books at Amazon are all about how I found the path out of my miserable past into feeling as if I am in heaven on earth. "Paradigm Busters" has the process to open my heart to live in the love that was always there for me.
Websites: https://www.angelicasgifts.com /
Books: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=Marilyn+Redmond&i=stripbooks&crid=3FIJCEQNAJMI6&sprefix=marilyn+redmond+%2Cstripbooks%2C185&ref=nb_sb_noss
You Tube: www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372
Blog : http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./
