WHO'S THE MATTER WITH ME?

                           By Rev. Marilyn L. Redmond, BA, ABH, IBRT

Is the source of problems and distress from other people? There is a misunderstanding in our world that it is okay to blame others for our troubles. Are others responsible for our difficulties even, illnesses? If that is true, what does it mean for our relationships?

For years, I reacted from others' abusive and offensive ways. I thought if they were kinder, I would not feel so poorly. Like a sponge, I took on their projected angers and fears. I stayed powerless and a victim in my life by reacting to people around me. Staying wounded was the basis for my growing up. The lack of love and kindness kept me in a vigilant state. Then I thought I would be safe from harm if I were perfect. It did not seem to work, but I had no other answers in those days of how to handle the situations that were so painful.              

It is easy to point the finger at someone and not take responsibility for my own actions. This is usually called being immature. It is even compounded when both individuals in a relationship do not each take responsibility as the problems increase. This is often the case in friendships, relationships, and marriages. Pointing to the other person as the problem is a way to dodge personal accountability, 

In my marriage, I thought if he just quit drinking, we would have a good marriage. To my surprise, my problems turned out to be the same as his. We had the disease of addictions, came from mental illness, lacked being nurtured growing up, had rageful fathers, and mentally ill mothers. It took several years to realize we were mirrors to each other. The game is called Passive Aggressive; it can cause difficulty in a relationship and on a job. He was the aggressive one and I was the shy and passive one.

Alan Alda the actor, said. "Be fair with others, but then keep after them until they are fair with you." Learning to address the issue straightforward was most difficult for me. I always talked around the point so I would not be attacked. I thought it would soften the response. I lacked information about authentic communication. Being assertive was not modeled in my family. I did not feel I had the right to speak up  As a child when  I did speak up, I was slapped in the face for speaking back to my elders. Therefore,  I did not have social skills for self-expression. Over time, I realized as an adult that I needed to learn skills to have real communiqué. 

Learning true communication was a shock to my system. Feeling an inner change in learning a new way to speak, was scary. The book, "A Guide to Assertive Living, Your Perfect Right" by Robert El Alberti, Ph.D. and Michael L. Emmons, Ph.D. was information where I could really understand the new basis for expressing myself. It was a practical book to use with examples.

Being assertive allows you to be the person you want to be, to feel good, about yourself, and to demonstrate your respect for the rights of others. There are ways to resolve issues that arise from passive aggressive people. Being assertive is a means to stand up for myself, convey anger, reach out to others, build relationships, express affection, and to be direct.

For me the cure is to forgive the person and forgive myself, for the spiritual script I wrote, as this was my path to wholeness. Next, learning to love myself so I no longer am the victim and worthy to speak up, is essential. Then I found loving myself brought me the love I wanted from within. The person is my mirror to what I need to heal in me. It was not from another person.

Since my past sufferings are history, I do not need to bring them into the current situation. I can release those earlier painful situations for being in the present. The dated memories are no longer relevant. My book, "Paradigm Busters" at Amazon has the details of how to release ancient misery. This leaves space for love to replace that space.

Today being in a healthy relationship shows that I changed my communication skills because like attracts like. Becoming a magnet for a companion with healthy ways to communicate is a reward for the efforts. Being able to express my feelings safely takes time, but is worth the effort.

The Hawaiian Prayer, Ho’oponopono “I Love You, I am Sorry, Please Forgive Me, Thank You” brought real inner peace for me. Since we all are one in the spirit of love, I can say, "I love you". Given that it takes two people to play the passive aggressive game I say, "I am sorry for my part", putting the situation into the past. Then, I say, "Please forgive me. I want to give up the past for a new day". Next, the most important part is to say, "Thank you". Knowing that I wrote my script for the other person to play that part for my growth into forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and unconditional love brings my responsibility for the situation. They played their part well.

In my current relationship, I have the ability to be honest, straightforward, and safe to express myself, which was not possible in my domestic violent marriage. Relationships are mirrors they do not heal me, but allow me to see my growth. The Little Soul and the Sun: A Children's Parable by Neale Donald Walsch explains this consciousness beautifully.

I like the movie star Katherine Hepburn's comment when Barbara Walters asked her if Spencer  Tracy  ever told her his feelings   She thought for a moment and said "No, but I am in ecstasy when I am with him." Being with a person who respects you, does not heal you; you have to heal yourself and be happy wherever you are.   

My books are being distributed internationally to prisons and used as a booked study in San Quentin. I was just included in the current, prodigious book, "Who's Who in America. This concept is explained further in her books, You Tubes, readings, and counseling. Marilyn Redmond is an ordained minister for spiritual counseling, readings, regression, IBRT, and healing, ABH. In addition, she is a teacher, speaker, and medium offering information from the other side for illness, relationships, and issues in your life. Marilyn can help you find health, happiness, and prosperity.

Marilyn Redmond is an ordained minister for spiritual counseling, readings, regression, IBRT, and healing, ABH. In addition, she is a reader, teacher, speaker, and medium offering information from the other side for illness, relationships, and issues in your life.  Find your health, happiness, and prosperity. Web site: Angelicasgifts.com, Blog: marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./You Tube: youtube.com/user/puyallup98372, amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

 

 

Firing The Ego

 MARILYN L. REDMOND, BA, IBRT, ABH

Growing up I did not know I had choice in my life. This was not an option in my marriage, either. When I was divorced, I started driving out of state to the Santa Barbara's Writers' Conference in California. People shared their writing during the sessions. I shyly shared my piece with the group. After the gathering, a woman came up to me and whispered in my ear. "You always have choice."  I thought to myself, she never grew up in my family.

 Going to counseling for help in recovery from my traumatic past, I found out you could change your thinking and feelings. This was new wonderful news to me. I proceeded to find new ways to approach life that would be more productive for me. Spiritual groups were supportive, but the real answers for me also came from the 12-step programs. One step has you release the past problems, negative feelings, or difficulties. This gave me a choice to release what does not work for me. I found it a gift to let go of the past harmful feelings and abuse.

 I heard in meditation that when I release the past of what I do not want, I was to replace it with what I do want, because nature abhors a void. Releasing the past in contemplation was more productive than just saying it. It takes me to a higher consciousness of my soul to become real.

 Continuing to identify each difficulty and release my many fears, resentments, guilt, and shame, I had an amazing experience. While camping in Death Valley National Park, I was meditating on a beautiful sunny day with all the magnificence of the park around me. I felt grace from head to toe replacing the problems I had released. Grace had filled the void left. It felt like cozy billowy cotton balls soft and warm filled me. I continue to release each fear, anger, resentment, guilt, and shame from the past, for love to replace them. I wanted more of that good feeling.

 It was in my thinking; I was my own enemy. I read that I had to release all the barriers that I had created; they stopped grace. I read a cartoon one Sunday in the funny papers with a character, Pogo in the strip written by Walt Kelly. He said, "We have met the enemy, and he is us". Taking responsibility for undoing my old ideas, beliefs, and behaviors from fear were mine to change. I was glad to see how I could still improve my life by facing the truth about my old mindset doing me in.

 I am still finding old ideas I had forgotten from years back to reframe into being positive and supportive of the life I want today. I needed to move from listening to my head voices from the past and move into my heart. That is where I hear the loving guidance and directions from love and not fear.

 Understanding that the ego, Edging God Out, of my life was the problem, today, I merge God in. Finding affirmations to support my new feelings, thinking, and actions brought great results. Affirmations replace my thoughts with positive, productive ideas to remind me of the new life I want. 

 My first affirmations I received were from therapy my first day. I came home with the list of affirmations and read them while I was in a lawn swing in a sunny afternoon. I had a wonderful loving feeling and light rise in me and I never had felt so good. I placed the list by the bathroom mirror to read twice daily every time I brushed my teeth. After repeating them time after time, I found they were becoming part of my life automatically. They actually were creating a new pattern of thinking and behaviors.

 While staying with my minister's family during drastic times in my marriage, I had read a lovely poem on the wall of his dining room. I saw the vibrations of the words leave the paper. I realized if I put positive poems, sayings, or ideas on my walls, they would radiate the message into my home. I now have affirmations, slogans, and positive comments in several rooms. I have angels' pictures and figurines placed in every room, and I even play CD's that have constructive messages.

 Most of the old barriers are gone today; however, I find it is a lifetime process. I still find old ones to let go and let God replace. A couple fears from my childhood just surfaced in an unusual way. I found my dental problems are coming from an old fear early in my life when I was afraid to tell the truth. Fortunately, today, I am around people who are honest and respect truthfulness. That is not the old situation anymore. I can release that old thought.

 There is nothing wrong with the core of me and who I am. I have patterns to unlearn, new behaviors to embody and wounds to heal. I am unlearning generations of harm and remembering love; it takes time. God's love and energy, peace, and harmony flow through me.

 My book, "Paradigm Busters" at Amazon and Barnes and Noble has the details chapter by chapter, of how I released the past negativity in my life to replace it with love and grace.  I moved from victim to victory. My books are being distributed internationally to prisons and used as a booked study in San Quentin. I was just included in the current, prodigious book, "Who's Who in America. This concept is explained further in my books,

 Check out my website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

 Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 179 videos on 

You Tube at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./ 

 

Life Transforms Inside Out

My life required an appeal for love to manifest in my heart. Discovering that it is necessary to invite it into my life was an awakening. I sat in a church pew for 50 years but did not have a conscious connection with a God of my understanding. Hearing this information created a spiritual awareness. Moving into my heart has changed my life into a love-based life instead of a fear-based one. This was the missing part.

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Through following the advice of “Trust God, clean house, and help others”, I began exploring. I have been scrutinizing my life for thirty-six years. My childhood and marriage were domestic violence and abuse; I could not trust the people in my life; they were not trustworthy. How do you trust something invisible as a Creator? Finding myself in perilous difficulties of life or death numerous times, it was obvious there was something bigger than me keeping me alive.

 Accepting and practicing faith in this higher power changed everything. One night seeing angels keep me alive from my husband trying to kill me was the turning point. This experience brought an understanding that has become a faith that is strong today.

 One evening a couple years ago, I fell down full force in an asphalt parking lot from a hole that needed to be repaired. The lighting in the area was poor. I got a black eye and my right arm, shoulder, and wrist were injured and very painful. I fortunately had help to get up as my arthritis prohibited my standing up from the ground by myself. I luckily did not have any broken bones; however, I did break my glasses. The brain concussion put me out of business of helping my clients, writing, and artwork for several months.

 Now, I am able to see the bigger picture of why it happened instead of blaming the church for poor maintenance. Resting while using ice on the painful parts of my face allowed the healing to happen, I found the reasons for this experience.

 There were several lessons from this event. First, I recognized that my old terrified energy had to leave. Fear that I would be beaten since the age of three, when I witnessed my mother battered, needed to be felt and released. Since that old threat is no longer valid in my current life, it needed to leave my consciousness. It was an opportunity to move into a new mindset beyond the past. I finally understood their fights were between them and were not about me.

 In addition, I had been fearful of a black eye in my marriage, which would have not been good when I went to teach at school. My black eye gradually healed from the fall and was less purple each day. I know today that what you fear becomes a magnet to attract it. I was ready to release my fear of a black eye from potentionally being beaten. Today, I am not in relationships to fear this. It is no longer relevant and those feelings needed to be expressed to flow out of my unconsciousness.

 Another major issue was to take responsibility for attracting the incident to me. These challenges are set up for me to move beyond by a script we write before we arrive on the planet. In addition, I found that my projects had to stop so I could put space between my old life and new one. Fortunately, I was able to resume from recovery in a more realistic pace in my life. Having to be in bed to heal, I was now able to bring to a halt to being a workaholic and overachiever.

 Lastly, I never thought about suing anyone or blaming the church for poor maintenance. It was needed so the new energy of love could fill the void left. These early fearful energies from the past needed to depart and this was the opportunity. I accepted that is was a necessary reality for my spiritual progress.

 Moving up the ladder of perception is my goal. Life is about moving from being selfish to selfless. The film, Ground Hog Day, has become one of the acknowledged classics of American comedy. It is the story of a TV weatherman, Phil Connors, who is forced to live the same day, February 2nd, repeatedly until he gains some insight into his life. He changes into being helpful and caring to others.

 This is not an easy process. I grow into having a sense of being worthy and self-confident. Recognizing I saw life through the eyes of a terrified child, made sense. The old perceptions needed to leave, as they are no longer relevant.

 My task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within myself that I built against it. With thirty-six years of cleaning and releasing, my fear-based negative thoughts, communication, and behaviors from my traumatic and abusive past, I have grown into a more compassionate and caring person.

Learning about emotions and how they are to flow through me and not stay stuck from past         circumstances makes the difference. Emotions are energy in motion. I need to allow them to move on so I am free of the past still influencing my current experiences. Then, I am open to live in the moment which is a gift and why it is called The Present.

 This brought a new pair of glasses. Now free to see that others were wounded children themselves passing on their pains to me was awakening. I have a choice to release the past harms and not continue on the course of my parents' or husband's wounded path.

I can peacefully walk my own walk into maturity and love as an adult. It is necessary to move from denial, express it, and release it. With forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, and feeling the presence of goodness within, I move into reality. My experiences bring wisdom. Today sharing my insight and understanding helps others. My weaknesses have become my assets.

 

My latest interview is with Kizzi on You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Check out her website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

 Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 180 videos on You Tube at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./