Life Transforms Inside Out

My life required an appeal for love to manifest in my heart. Discovering that it is necessary to invite it into my life was an awakening. I sat in a church pew for 50 years but did not have a conscious connection with a God of my understanding. Hearing this information created a spiritual awareness. Moving into my heart has changed my life into a love-based life instead of a fear-based one. This was the missing part.

Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” Through following the advice of “Trust God, clean house, and help others”, I began exploring. I have been scrutinizing my life for thirty-six years. My childhood and marriage were domestic violence and abuse; I could not trust the people in my life; they were not trustworthy. How do you trust something invisible as a Creator? Finding myself in perilous difficulties of life or death numerous times, it was obvious there was something bigger than me keeping me alive.

 Accepting and practicing faith in this higher power changed everything. One night seeing angels keep me alive from my husband trying to kill me was the turning point. This experience brought an understanding that has become a faith that is strong today.

 One evening a couple years ago, I fell down full force in an asphalt parking lot from a hole that needed to be repaired. The lighting in the area was poor. I got a black eye and my right arm, shoulder, and wrist were injured and very painful. I fortunately had help to get up as my arthritis prohibited my standing up from the ground by myself. I luckily did not have any broken bones; however, I did break my glasses. The brain concussion put me out of business of helping my clients, writing, and artwork for several months.

 Now, I am able to see the bigger picture of why it happened instead of blaming the church for poor maintenance. Resting while using ice on the painful parts of my face allowed the healing to happen, I found the reasons for this experience.

 There were several lessons from this event. First, I recognized that my old terrified energy had to leave. Fear that I would be beaten since the age of three, when I witnessed my mother battered, needed to be felt and released. Since that old threat is no longer valid in my current life, it needed to leave my consciousness. It was an opportunity to move into a new mindset beyond the past. I finally understood their fights were between them and were not about me.

 In addition, I had been fearful of a black eye in my marriage, which would have not been good when I went to teach at school. My black eye gradually healed from the fall and was less purple each day. I know today that what you fear becomes a magnet to attract it. I was ready to release my fear of a black eye from potentionally being beaten. Today, I am not in relationships to fear this. It is no longer relevant and those feelings needed to be expressed to flow out of my unconsciousness.

 Another major issue was to take responsibility for attracting the incident to me. These challenges are set up for me to move beyond by a script we write before we arrive on the planet. In addition, I found that my projects had to stop so I could put space between my old life and new one. Fortunately, I was able to resume from recovery in a more realistic pace in my life. Having to be in bed to heal, I was now able to bring to a halt to being a workaholic and overachiever.

 Lastly, I never thought about suing anyone or blaming the church for poor maintenance. It was needed so the new energy of love could fill the void left. These early fearful energies from the past needed to depart and this was the opportunity. I accepted that is was a necessary reality for my spiritual progress.

 Moving up the ladder of perception is my goal. Life is about moving from being selfish to selfless. The film, Ground Hog Day, has become one of the acknowledged classics of American comedy. It is the story of a TV weatherman, Phil Connors, who is forced to live the same day, February 2nd, repeatedly until he gains some insight into his life. He changes into being helpful and caring to others.

 This is not an easy process. I grow into having a sense of being worthy and self-confident. Recognizing I saw life through the eyes of a terrified child, made sense. The old perceptions needed to leave, as they are no longer relevant.

 My task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within myself that I built against it. With thirty-six years of cleaning and releasing, my fear-based negative thoughts, communication, and behaviors from my traumatic and abusive past, I have grown into a more compassionate and caring person.

Learning about emotions and how they are to flow through me and not stay stuck from past         circumstances makes the difference. Emotions are energy in motion. I need to allow them to move on so I am free of the past still influencing my current experiences. Then, I am open to live in the moment which is a gift and why it is called The Present.

 This brought a new pair of glasses. Now free to see that others were wounded children themselves passing on their pains to me was awakening. I have a choice to release the past harms and not continue on the course of my parents' or husband's wounded path.

I can peacefully walk my own walk into maturity and love as an adult. It is necessary to move from denial, express it, and release it. With forgiveness, compassion, gratitude, and feeling the presence of goodness within, I move into reality. My experiences bring wisdom. Today sharing my insight and understanding helps others. My weaknesses have become my assets.

 

My latest interview is with Kizzi on You Tube: https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Check out her website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

 Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 180 videos on You Tube at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./

 

ARE YOU EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE?

When I was drinking, I was mostly numb. I was stuffing them by using alcohol. The abuse and harms of my past were not pleasant and to feel them was not gratifying. Not being emotionally available was survival in growing up and my marriage. I walked through the paces and looked good while I was dying inside.

Then when my psychiatrist gave me Valium for anxiety, I really became a walking robot. When each of my parents died, I could not understand why I did not cry. When I put down my loving cat, I did not shed tears and I wanted to.  For me, stopping drinking and then the prescriptions did not bring an emotional life.

At one point, my mentor told me to listen to my gut, when I asked her some questions. I was closed down; I was still in fear. Subsequently I found fear, workaholism, and overachieving kept my feelings buried, too.  I never had feelings this was a mystery to me.

Releasing my fears was possible I read. I became fearless through releasing each fear one by one, and replacing it with love and grace. (See "Paradigm Busters Reveal the Real You" at Amazon or on line at Barnes and Nobel.) Less stress allowed me to work at a more reasonable pace in writing books, articles, and counseling others was necessary. Surprisingly, my feelings began to surface. What do you do with feelings?

The first time I really needed an answer I asked myself if it was wise to go with my irate husband golfing. He was throwing a bigger tantrum than usual. I wanted to go, but being with him in that state was not going to be pleasant. I laid down to be in a meditative state. I asked myself what it felt like to go golfing while he was in such a tirade. I felt peace in my gut. Then I asked myself if I stay home and do not go, how does that feel? A strong bristly feeling replaced the peace. I repeated this to make sure I had the message right.

It surprised me that I would feel peace while he was ranting. I listened to my gut and I went golfing. I used the peace I felt, as my sign. On the third hole just before I teed off, I actually felt good. I had a wonderful feeling of enjoying the game in the beautiful morning sunshine. I had not let my husband's anger control my getting pleasure from a golf game on a pleasant day.

More feelings arrived and bewildered me. When my mental illness came up erupting as a huge emotional  volcano, I knew by then that it was the old energy needing to leave and to let it express completely. My mentor had informed me earlier from releasing anger, to let it all out, so I would not have it return.

I stood in the living room with my outburst. My inner voice said, "Yippy, skippy, it is leaving" meaning the old energy of the mental illness was moving out of my emotional history. This allowed my emotions to start flowing. My emotional past was leaving. I knew by then, that emotions are "energy in motion" and allowing them to flow provided emotional openness. I heard from a friend "Hang on to your hat; you are in for the roller coaster rid of your life. I found it is normal to have highs and then low times. They tell me if I am on track doing God's will.

After time, a big change came as I let down my emotional walls I built around my heart to protect me. Each broken wall brought my boyfriend emotionally closer to me. I was the one stopping closeness; I felt the difference, immediately.

When I drank, I ran from feeling anything. Fear had stopped my feelings from functioning appropriately. Using a daily spiritual program and not drinking, I respond in loving solutions to what challenge is in front of me. I have negative feelings if I am not aligned with the steps of my program. Recently, I was driving to see a friend, when I felt my heart change. I realized that my heart had just opened up completely so I could feel all my feelings that flow through me.

I heard one time that, "When I am doing God's will, I feel good, if I am not, I do not feel good."It became obvious to me that I wanted to align with God's. My feelings have become my feedback to how my life is going.  I understand now, to embrace my feelings. It took time for my heart to be fully open to expressing appropriate emotions. This put my life on a much higher plane for being understanding and accessible. 

Applying the steps to release the barriers to love made the difference. I substituted the positive for the negative. I feel whole, happy, and contented. Finally, I feel real, whole, and grown-up.  When my friend's dog died last week, surprisingly without thinking, I had tears and sadness at the time. I finally had tears for my cat. In addition, I received some wonderful news about my spiritual writing and work is being distributed internationally. I am still enjoying the good feelings that I am contributing to the happiness and well-being of others. I feel good; I feel the presence of love. Love is the key.

My degrees include, a BA in Education, CHT, IBRT. I am an International Award Winning writer, international Speaker, Counselor, Medium, Tarot/Psychic Reader, Author, Artist, and Ordained Minister for spiritual healing and Past Life Regressionist. Through my life experiences of coming out the other side, my wisdom, and knowledge helps others.

I am an author of 10 books and eBooks on Amazon and on line at Barnes and Nobel. My books are distributed to prisons around the world.  I am in the middle of a new book sharing my angel experiences. I also write two columns a month, one as a wellness expert and one on recovery from addiction. My blog is well read. My focus is on relationships, enriching your life, Holistic Health & Healing, addictions, and mediumship through channeling and psychic readings. In addition, I write on educational issues as a retired teacher. 

Check out my website, angelicasgifts.com, blog at marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com and 172 You Tubes at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372  Email her at marilyn@angelicasgifts.com