Firing The Ego

 MARILYN L. REDMOND, BA, IBRT, ABH

Growing up I did not know I had choice in my life. This was not an option in my marriage, either. When I was divorced, I started driving out of state to the Santa Barbara's Writers' Conference in California. People shared their writing during the sessions. I shyly shared my piece with the group. After the gathering, a woman came up to me and whispered in my ear. "You always have choice."  I thought to myself, she never grew up in my family.

 Going to counseling for help in recovery from my traumatic past, I found out you could change your thinking and feelings. This was new wonderful news to me. I proceeded to find new ways to approach life that would be more productive for me. Spiritual groups were supportive, but the real answers for me also came from the 12-step programs. One step has you release the past problems, negative feelings, or difficulties. This gave me a choice to release what does not work for me. I found it a gift to let go of the past harmful feelings and abuse.

 I heard in meditation that when I release the past of what I do not want, I was to replace it with what I do want, because nature abhors a void. Releasing the past in contemplation was more productive than just saying it. It takes me to a higher consciousness of my soul to become real.

 Continuing to identify each difficulty and release my many fears, resentments, guilt, and shame, I had an amazing experience. While camping in Death Valley National Park, I was meditating on a beautiful sunny day with all the magnificence of the park around me. I felt grace from head to toe replacing the problems I had released. Grace had filled the void left. It felt like cozy billowy cotton balls soft and warm filled me. I continue to release each fear, anger, resentment, guilt, and shame from the past, for love to replace them. I wanted more of that good feeling.

 It was in my thinking; I was my own enemy. I read that I had to release all the barriers that I had created; they stopped grace. I read a cartoon one Sunday in the funny papers with a character, Pogo in the strip written by Walt Kelly. He said, "We have met the enemy, and he is us". Taking responsibility for undoing my old ideas, beliefs, and behaviors from fear were mine to change. I was glad to see how I could still improve my life by facing the truth about my old mindset doing me in.

 I am still finding old ideas I had forgotten from years back to reframe into being positive and supportive of the life I want today. I needed to move from listening to my head voices from the past and move into my heart. That is where I hear the loving guidance and directions from love and not fear.

 Understanding that the ego, Edging God Out, of my life was the problem, today, I merge God in. Finding affirmations to support my new feelings, thinking, and actions brought great results. Affirmations replace my thoughts with positive, productive ideas to remind me of the new life I want. 

 My first affirmations I received were from therapy my first day. I came home with the list of affirmations and read them while I was in a lawn swing in a sunny afternoon. I had a wonderful loving feeling and light rise in me and I never had felt so good. I placed the list by the bathroom mirror to read twice daily every time I brushed my teeth. After repeating them time after time, I found they were becoming part of my life automatically. They actually were creating a new pattern of thinking and behaviors.

 While staying with my minister's family during drastic times in my marriage, I had read a lovely poem on the wall of his dining room. I saw the vibrations of the words leave the paper. I realized if I put positive poems, sayings, or ideas on my walls, they would radiate the message into my home. I now have affirmations, slogans, and positive comments in several rooms. I have angels' pictures and figurines placed in every room, and I even play CD's that have constructive messages.

 Most of the old barriers are gone today; however, I find it is a lifetime process. I still find old ones to let go and let God replace. A couple fears from my childhood just surfaced in an unusual way. I found my dental problems are coming from an old fear early in my life when I was afraid to tell the truth. Fortunately, today, I am around people who are honest and respect truthfulness. That is not the old situation anymore. I can release that old thought.

 There is nothing wrong with the core of me and who I am. I have patterns to unlearn, new behaviors to embody and wounds to heal. I am unlearning generations of harm and remembering love; it takes time. God's love and energy, peace, and harmony flow through me.

 My book, "Paradigm Busters" at Amazon and Barnes and Noble has the details chapter by chapter, of how I released the past negativity in my life to replace it with love and grace.  I moved from victim to victory. My books are being distributed internationally to prisons and used as a booked study in San Quentin. I was just included in the current, prodigious book, "Who's Who in America. This concept is explained further in my books,

 Check out my website, https://www.angelicasgifts.com /

 Books: at https://www.amazon.com/Marilyn-Redmond/e/B0069WIKDC

Barnes and Nobel https://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/Marilyn+Redmond?_requestid=16065424 179 videos on 

You Tube at  https://www.youtube.com/user/puyallup98372

Blog at http://marilynredmondbooks.blogspot.com./